The Joy of Randomness
by chibilinnet
Summary: Kazuya, Sephiroth and Dante set off to find the Ultra Rare Super Shiny Rainbow Shiny Thing! Chapter 6 is up, and it's a bit surprising.. but wait until Chapter 7, mwahahahahaaa...
1. Ooooh... shiny...

THE JOY OF RANDOMNESS!

By Meep (aka Chibilinnet)

Note: I do not own any of the Final Fantasy stuff mentioned here, that belongs to Square, and I do not own any of the Tekken crap mentioned here. That belongs to Namco. The Devil may Cry stuff, I do not own that, that is Capcoms. And I do not own Pokemon. Nintendo does. I do not own any of the Neopets (legally, anyway) mentioned in the story. The fine people at Neopets.com do. Please don't sue me.. I said I didn't own anything here.. *whimper*

Sephiroth jumped down the stairs. "WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY!" He sang (quite terribly, I may add) and walked to his best friend, Kaz's house!

"KAAAZZZ?? ARE YOU HOOOOOME??"

"GODDAMMIT! I HATE YOU, JECHT! HATE HATE HATE!"

Seph opened the door and peeked in, a little scared. It was well known that Kaz had an anger problem and liked to blow stuff up with his rocket launcher. Inside the room was Kaz, dressed in his normal black trenchcoat, swearing at the TV screen. 

"Kaz? Are we gonna meet Dante now?"

Kaz looked behind him. "..How the hell did you get in?"

Seph shrugged. "I'm from an RPG, I can just barge into people's homes.."

They both got up and proceeded to the lovely caves, where there is that age-old rumour of treasure. Yay. Along the way, Dante followed them, bouncing along.

"BOUNCY, BOUNCY!"

"SHUT THE ---- UP BEFORE I KILL YOU!"

Seph was quite annoyed by this bouncing and drew his sword. He held it to Dante's neck. 

"I swear.. I will kill you if I have to hear that goddamned bouncy song, OK???"

Dante nodded. "Ok" he squeaked. Seph sheathed the blade and smiled with satisfaction. Oh, how he hated that damned bouncy song! HATE HATE HATE!

Ahem, now, we introduce the chracters before we continue along...

Seph aka Sephiroth. In this story, he is 13, lives in Toronto, that beautiful city in Cananda, is not a sad, abused child, but a spoiled brat, and still has that big-ass sword, the Masamune! Has a temper problem.

Kaz, aka Kazuya, is a Black-Mage-in training. He's the oldest at 14. Unlike the actual Tekken game, Kaz has family, he can use magic, and too, lives in Toronto. Also has a temper problem, more so than Seph's.

Dante (that's his real name) is a happy-go-lucky demon. Lives in hell, but likes to resurface nowadays to play with his friends. He's 12 now, and uses both magic and weapons, and his attacks more powerful than Kaz's or Seph's. But Dante is an idiot and doesn't know how to use them properly.

OK, back to the story. I present to you: CHAPTER ONE!

****

CHAPTER ONE: THE CAVE OF MYSTICAL SHINIES!

Dante was impatient. I mean, REEEAAALLLLYYY impatient. He was bobbing up and down as the trio hiked to the Cave of Mystical Shinies, where the Shiniest of all shinys could be found!

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?

"Nooo..."

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!"

"Are we there yet?"

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

Kaz shrieked and violently shook Dante. "WE..ARE..NOT..THERE...YET!!"

Then he dropped him and started hyper-venlitating. Seph smacked him on the back. 

"Dude, Kaz, your blood pressure must be 210/130, just calm down.."

Kaz nodded. "Fine. As long as HE-", he pointed to Dante, "shuts up.."

Dante happily nodded. "OK-DAY!" He smiled in his normal childish way and started bouncing along the path while Kaz wrote something down in his mysterious black book. Seph looked over Kaz's shoulder. This is what he saw:

(*-*)~~~~~~~~ (x.x) = happy (^.^)

Me Bolt-3 Dante happy me!

Crude picture, yet disturbing, no? 

Seph's current emotion was = -_-"

"errr... Kaz.. don'tcha think you're being too hard on poor Dante, I mean, the kid is only 12, you know.." Seph pointed out. Kaz shut his black book and pocketed it. 

"Seph, I have told you a million times... I have no patience with children." Kaz stated bluntly. He smirked and continued on the path, picking up stones to throw at Dante. Seph sighed and sadly continued on, knowing that this won't be good. Finally, after a few minutes of trudging, boucing, and plotting, they heard Dante'e glee-filled squeal.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!!!!!! SSSSHHIIIIINNNYYYYY!!"

YES! it was the **CAVE OF MYSTICAL SHINIES, WHERE THE SHINIEST OF ALL SHINIES CAN BE FOUND!**

oooooh.. Flashy entrance...

Annyyywaaayy...

There was a nice cave, OK? And there were beautiful shiny crystals. So much that you would be blinded if you found the cave on a sunny day. Thankfully, for our heroes, it was raining, and Kaz was wearing shades anyway. He always does.

Dante was busy inspecting a paticualry shiny BLUE crystal! BLUE and SHINY! Dante was drooling as he pointed to the crystal. 

"Shhiiiiiinnneeeyyyyy......"

Even Seph was overcome with the sheer shinyness and started dancing around yelling "SHINY! SHINY! CHEEEESSSSEEE.."

Only Kaz remained sane, because of his shades. "You guys are pathetic... " he muttered and dragged both of them into the cave. "We're here to find that stupid **Ultra Rare Super Shiny Rainbow Shiny Thing** that is worth millions!" 

Seph had regained compsure and stood up, freeing himself from Kaz's grasp. "Oh yeah.. how we gonna split the goods?" he asked.

This made Kaz stop dead in his tracks. "Oh.. well.. erm..see.." he stammered.

__

DAMMIT! No one told me I had to actually SHARE the profits with these idiots!

he thought angrily.

__

Well, you could kill them..

NO! They're my friends!

what friends? You don't need friends!

I don't?

NO!

But it would feel wrong, I mean, we grew up together!

So? Just collect all of the profit, dispose of the bodies and-

THERE! SEE? I could get busted!

NO! YOU IDIOT! YOU COULD TAKE OVER THE WORLD WITH THE PROFITS! THEN NO ONE CAN STOP YOU!

Oh yeah! OK! Sure!

Yeah, yeah.. you know, they say talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity..

Kaz smiled evily. "Ah.. I'll figure something out, Seph, don't worry.." he reassured Seph. Dante had slipped free too and was hiding behind Seph, because that voice in Kaz's head was scaring him (Dante is a demon. Kaz has an inner demon. There. Plot hole fixed).

They all decided that was the best thing to do and continued to traverse the cave. Now, this is very boring, needless to say, but the **Ultra Rare Super Shiny Rainbow Shiny Thing** is indeed heavily guarded. So, we present: THE FIRST TRAP!

Dante spotted a very nice shiny orb poking through the rock. "ooooohh.." Dante admired it and poked it. 

BLAM!

The trap door was activated and all three fell into a pit. There was a HUGE, BIG, SHINY MONSTER THERE! And now, we present: The first boss battle, Kirby style!

TURN 1:

Kaz (*-*)* 

Dante (^.^)/*33 HP dmg -----(O-O)___ Big monster 

Seph (-_-)/

TURN 2

Kaz (*-*)~~~~~~~~~ BOLT 3!

Dante (X.x)K.O 9999 HP DMG(O-O)___ Big Monster 

Seph (-_-)/

WHOOOO! That was fast!

Kaz jumped with joy after the monster dissolved. "OH YEAH!" Seph frowned instead.

"That's not fair, how did you do 9999 damage? It's only the beginning of the story!" 

Kaz stuck out his tongue. "That's a plot hole that'll be fixed later!"

Meanwhile, Dante was lying on the ground, staring up at the cave ceiling with X's in his eyes.

"Uhhhh.. shouldn't we revive him?" Seph asked.

"I dunno... you got a Phoenix Down?" Kaz responded.

Seph pulled put a small feather from his pocket and threw it at Dante. Instantly, light poured down at Dante, and it did revive him buuut...

"AAAAARRRGGGHHH!! THE LIGHT! IT BURNS! OWIE!!" Dante screamed in pain and started running around the cave while Kaz was howling with laughter. Evil, maniac laughter. Seph just did this: -_-"

"Dante, next time, stop poking shiny stuff, OK??" Seph scolded. Dante looked up with big puppy eyes. "But it's soooo shiny!" he muttered.

"OK, OK.." Kaz choked, standing back up. "We continue on. Dante, gimmie the map.." he held out his hand. Dante stuffed his hand in his pocket and showed a very tatterd map. Kaz looked at it with confusion:

START -------------------------I

I

I

TRAP I

I------------------- XXXXX ------------ USSRRST!

"..... you knew that was a trap, Dante?" Kaz asked suspisciously, glaring at Dante. Dante slowly nodded yes "..... But the orb was sooo shiny, I-"

Kaz grabbed Dante has shook him. "YOU BASTARD?? YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL US?? AREN'T YOU?? AREN'T YOU??" he screeched, technically smashing Dante's head into the wall. Seph had to restrain Kaz and pin him against the wall.

"LEMME KILL HIM! ONE BLAST! I DESERVE THAT MUCH AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!!" Kaz protested, having his face pinned to the wall. Seph had to tranquilize him before he could help Dante up.

"Dante..? Are you OK?" Seph shakily asked as Dante pulled back his bangs to reveal a BIG boo-boo. "Y-yes Seph.." Dante whispered, looking at the now tranquilized Kaz in fear.

"....... Erggghh.... I'm OK.." Kaz stammered, standing up. he walked around, bumped into a few walls, then shook his head. "Sorry, Dante.. can we go now?"

Dante smiled and bounced along the trail. "OK-DAY! WE'RE GOING TO FIND THE SHINY THING! SHINY THING! SHINY THING!" he sang as he bouced.

Seph gripped on his sword. "I swear, I don't know how that kid can take all that shit from us and still act happy.."

Kaz laughed. "If you ask me, we got all the sanity outta him. That ain't happieness, Seph, that's insanity." He casually strolled off, reading the very simple map. 

"I need Coke." Seph complained as they walked deeper.

"Seph! Drugs are bad!" Dante scolded him.

"Yes, Seph, listen to Dante, drugs are veeeerrrryyy bad.." Kaz joked.

"I meant the drink." Seph scowled. He wished his friends weren't so cruel (Kaz) or stupid (Dante).

Kaz: threw his arm out all of the sudden. "Wait." he snapped. 

There was a big pit with spikes. Very large, pointy spikes. And sharp. And shinyyy...

"OOOOOOHH!! SHINY!" Dante squealed, and ran toward the spikes. Kaz had to grab him by the neck to stop Dante.

"WHAT ARE YA, MAD??" Kaz yelled. "You could've been hu-....why are you staring at me like that?"

Dante looked at Kaz with them big puppy eyes. "AWWWWW! Kaz! I didn't know you cared so much! I heart you!" And, so, Dante huggled Kaz, much to the latter's displeasure.

Kaz was stunned. "Ummm... " He looked over at Seph and mouthed the following words to Seph:

__

Is he gay?

Seph shrugged, and Kaz pulled Dante off. "Erm.. no more displays of affection, OK?" Kaz stammered, unsure of whether Dante was really gay or not.

Dante nodded, and bounced around while Kaz and Seph figured out how to cross the spikes. Suddenly, Seph snapped his fingers. 

"I'M SUCH A DUMBASS! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS BEFORE???" he yelled with amazement. Seph reached for his pocket and threw something in the air.

"FEAROW! I CHOOSE YOU!"

And so, from the object, a bird burst out. A brown bird. Ugly. With a long beak. The bird circled around, then stopped in front of Seph.

"Fearow, can ya fly us over the spikes?" Seph asked. Fearow looked at Seph like he was an idiot, then flew off.

"NOOOOO! WAIT! WE NEED YOU!" Seph cried, following Fearow around. Kaz sighed and turned to Dante.

"Can't you jump across?" Kaz frowned at Dante. Dante shook his head.

"Too far!" he protested, bouncing around. Kaz was VERY tempted to destoy them all right now. His hand gripped around the dagger he had in his pocket, but he knew better. 

Seph came panting back. "AWWW, POO! Fearow flew away!" he sighed, a look of misery on his face. Meanwhile, Kaz was losing his sanity by the minute.

__

Oh, how I would love to just slice off their heads and watch them roll away down the cave trail..., Kaz thought angrily. Instead, he walked calmy over to Seph, who was still panting and wheezing and sobbing over the loss of his beloved Pokemon.

"So, genuis.." Kaz mocked him. "How are we gonna get across now?"

Seph stared at Kaz with annoyance. Then he saw the Dark Dragoon Spirit hang from Kaz's neck. OF COURSE!!

"YOU FLY US ACROSS, MISTER DRAGOON MAN!" Seph shouted, and tugged at the Dragoon Spirit. The dark orb glinted in the light as Seph tried to pull it away. Kaz was pulling back.

"FINE! FINE!!" Kaz surrendered to Seph. He scowled and transformed to the Darkness Dragoon.

FLASH! DARKNESS! RAINBOW SPARKILES!

Ahem.

Kaz let Dante grip on his back first, and he flew over the pit, thinking about letting Dante fall into the shiny spikes he adored so much. It was tempting. VEEERRRYYY TEMPTING. But Dante made it alive to the other side, and Kaz continued walking forth.

"HEEEEEEEEYYYYY!" Seph cried. "WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEE??"

Kaz snickered. "I DUNNO, YOU'RE SO SMART!" he replied evily. "YOU FIGURE OUT A WAY ACROSS!" he turned to Dante. "C'mon, Dante, we gotta find that Rainbow thing."

"YAY!!" Dante cheered. "Follow me!!" And Dante bounced along the path while Kaz mosyed along, and Seph was stuck on the other side watching his so-called "friends" walk away.

"That's great!" Seph muttered as he sat down. "I spent my whole life with them and NOW they abandon me!" Seph sat there for a very long time, looking at the shiny spikes. "shiny" Seph commented, and waited for the other two to come back.

"HERE WE ARE!" Dante sang as he kicked open a crystal door-like thingy (caves don't have doors, though, do they? I dunno..) In there was..

****

THE ULTRA RARE SUPER SHINY RAINBOW SHINY THING THAT WAS WORTH MILLIONS!

And..

****

MYSTICAL_YUNALESCA, THE SILVER SHOYRU, WHO GUARDS **THE ULTRA RARE SUPER SHINY RAINBOW SHINY THING THAT WAS WORTH MILLIONS!**


	2. AAAHHH!! THE SILVER DRAGON THINGY TALKS!

****

CHAPTER TWO: WHAT THE ULTRA RARE SUPER SHINY RAINBOW SHINY THING CAN DO AND THIS IS THE PART WHERE THE EVIL GUY TAKES IT!

The Shoyru was seriously decked out in battle gear. A shiny sword was strapped on her back, she had a shield on one hand, a red Attack Fork on the other. A silver helmet was strapped on her head and there was a Lost Desert dagger strapped on her waist. There was a small sack on the other side of her waist.

Yunalesca (as we will now call her) flapped her wings impatiently. "What are you doing here?" She damanded, pointing the Attack Fork at them.

"........ looking for that?" Kaz answered, pointing to the **ULTRA RARE SUPER SHINY RAINBOW SHINY THING! **(I just had to do that)

Yunalesca shook her head. "That item has fearsome power that no normal human can possess without going insane or shit like that. I cannot let you obtain that item, even should you defeat me in battle!"

"But, if we defeat you, who will defend the **ULTRA RARE SUPER SHINY RAINBOW SHINY THING**?" Dante asked her politely.

A Glowing Wocky and a Purple Tonu stepped out from behind Yunalesca. They, strangly, were unarmed, but Kaz could sense that they were mages. _shit, now we have to fight some Xena wannabe, a Red Mage and a Blue Mage. Just my luck.._

Dante was hiding behind Kaz. "KAZ!" He shrieked in fear. "THE CAT THINGY IS RADIOACTIVE!"

The glowing Wocky stared up. "Yeah, I know I am. How did you know my name?"

The real Kaz frowned. "My name is Kaz, not yours!"

"But, that's your nickname, isn't it?" Dante replied.

"Yes, bu-"

"So, it's not your real name!"

"Yes, but people call me that all the time s-"

"But you're real name is Kazuya!"

"Yeah, but it's stupid, and in this fanfic, my name is Kaz!"

"But why can't we call you by your real name?"

"Because my real name is stupid!"

"But your father gave you that name!"

"EXACTLY!"

"Why do you hate your father?"

"Look, stop talking to me. NOW."

"Bu-"

"NO!"

"I-"

"SHUT UP!"

"Ok, b-"

"THANK YOU!"

After the stupidest consective conversation in the chapter, Kaz looked down and glared at the glowing Wocky.

"I dunno who you are, and who named you, but we can't have two people named Kaz in the fanfic." he declared.

Kaz (the Wocky) frowned. "Fine. We'll call you Susan."

"SUSAN?? WHAT KIND OF STUPID NAME IS THAT??"

"I dunno.. a girl's name?"

"My name is NOT Susan, OK?"

"But it's a nice name!"

Kaz sighed and said "You're ChibiKaz, OK?"

The Wocky smiled. "GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!"

"Good. Now, can we have the Rainbowish thingy?" Dante asked timidly from behind Kaz.

The Tonu shook her head. "No, it is sacred and has powers that no mortal human, or infant demon, can possess.."

"What kind of powers?" Kaz questioned. _Hey, if I can destroy those jerks at Namco with it, it's all good!_

"Ummmm... eternal life, awesome god-like power, ya know, the usual.." Meep (who is the Tonu) replied.

"Oh, and it can make a box of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts that will never run out." Yunalesca added.

"KRISPY KREME DOUGHNUTS??" Kaz and Dante shouted with glee. 

"GIIIMMMMIIIEEEEE!!" Dante screeched and dove headfirst for the **ULTRA RARE SUPER SHINY RAINBOW SHINY THING**!

WHAM!

Dante was thrown back, and there was a another person (thing?) holding the **ULTRA RARE SUPER SHINY RAINBOW SHINY THING!!**

It was......

.....

.....

You can feel the suspense, huh?

.......

......

Did I piss you off enough?

.....

.....

OK, the person who has the **ULTRA RARE SUPER SHINY RAINBOW SHINY THING **is...

Eden.

Yes, Eden, from FF8.

"Oh crap." Yunalesca moaned.

"WAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!" Eden laughed. "NOW, I CAN CONTROL THE WORLD AND ALL THAT STERO-TYPED SHIT!"

"And get a box of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts that will never run out.." Kaz added glumly.

"REALLY?? SWEET, WAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!" Eden laughed even louder, then she looked at Kaz again. "Wait, don't I know you?"

"Last summer, at Balamb remember?"

"Oh yeah!"

**FLASHBACK**

Squall held out a gem to Kaz. "Try it, you can summon shit!" Squall said. Kaz took the gem and stared at it. 

"Ummm.. what is this again? GF? what the-..AAHAHHHHHHHH!!"

Kaz grabbed his head. "I CAN'T REMEMBER MY NAME!! WHAT ARE ALL THESE VOICES IN MY HEAD?? AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"

Then, Kaz ran around scareming for a bit, then fell into the water and almost drowned. This is why he knew Eden, who almost killed him. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

**FLASHBACK OVER (yay!)**

Eden shrugged. "Well, I gotta go now, ya know, people to meet, stuff to eat, you know.."

Kaz sighed. "Fine! Don't share!.. HMPH!" And he scowled as Eden flew off with the **ULTRA RARE SUPER SHINY RAINBOW SHINY THING!**

Yunalesca gaped at Eden, then Kaz. ".... why didn't you stop her???"

Kaz thought "... good point.." 

Yunalesca then proceeded to do the infamous Anime sweatdrop!

"We gotta go find it! It's our duty to protect the **ULTRA RARE SUPER SHINY RAINBOW SHINY THING** from evil!" ChibiKaz piped up.

Meep nodded. "Let us follow Eden!" she cried, and all three dissappeared at once.

Dante tackled Kaz. "WE GOTTA DO THE SAME THING, KAZ, OR WE WON'T GET KRISPY KREME DOUGHNUTS!" He shouted, shaking Kaz up.

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, JUST GET OFF ME!!" Kaz pushed off Dante and rushed back to tell Seph about the whole thing.

And now, the quest truly begins!!

"I can't believe we went all that way for nothing!" Seph groaned as the trio headed for Toronto. "Where the hell do we go now?"

Kaz looked at a nearby car delearship. "..... Seph, you're from an RPG and you don't know?"

"..... what? am I supposed to know everything??" Seph growled, annoyed by the fact Kaz was the mysterious ass-kicker that knew shit that the others could never hope to know.

Kaz laughed. "Seph, we go to the nearest town, that's how it is ALL THE TIME with these damned quest adventures, we're NOT supposed to know where to go!"

Dante was amazed by all this. "Wow, Kaz, how are you so smart..?" he asked, admiration in his voice.

".... the author of the fic made me smart, Dante, and besides, I'm the 'mysterious ass-kicker that knows shit that you guys can't hope to know'" Kaz replied, resigned to the fact they have to WALK to the next town.

Dante started hopping and skipping. "Yay! We're going on an adventure!"

__

That's it. I'm killing someone.

Kaz had his dagger raised and ready to strike Dante's back when Dante turned around.

"Um... Kaz, were you trying to kill me?" 

Kaz pocketed the dagger. "...... of course not, Dante, do you think I would ever hurt you?"

".... No, cuz you're my friend!" Dante cried and he huggled Kaz AGAIN.

"OK, get off me before I really kill you." Kaz snarled, then Dante let go. 

"OK-day!" Dante smiled, and he went back to hopping and skipping. Seph followed, yawning. 

"Don't you think we should rest first?" Seph suggested.

"OF COURSE, YOU DUMBASS, THAT'S A BRILLIANT IDEA, WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT??" Kaz yelled, shaking with anger.

"......"

"......"

"......"

"OK, OK, I'm sorry, OK??" Seph yelled now. Apparently, they were all angry. Except Dante. 

"No! Guys, don't fight!" Dante pleaded. Kaz looked at Dante. Kaz was actually a nice guy, so he deicided to avoid fights now.

"Look, I'm just stressed now, OK? Let's call this a truce." he mumbled. Seph looked at Kaz with surprise. Kaz never backed down from a fight. Even with his friends.

"... OK, sure." Seph agreed and Dante huggled them both. 

"DDDAAAANNNTTEEE! GET OFF MEEEEE!"


	3. Road trips were never this fun!

****

CHAPTER THREE: THE TRIP TO CHICAGO!!!

Now because I'm too lazy to get a map and see what the closest city to Toronto is, I'll just say that Eden flew off to Chicago. Why? I don't know. Just shut up and see how our heroes got there.. and don't forget the Neopets, they're in the story too..

"AWWWWW!!" Seph whined as the third car passed them without stopping. "How the hell do you hitchhike??" 

Kaz looked up from the book he was reading: _Hitchhiking for dummies_

"Maybe we should do like Jay and Silent Bob.." he suggested. "Except with female drivers of course..."

"You sick f*ck.." Seph said in disgust.

"Just a suggestion.."

"Anyway, why are we going to Chicago anyway?" Dante asked. "I mean, why aren't we going anywhere closer?"

Kaz pointed to the title of the chapter. "That's why."

"Oooooooh..." Dante quickly lost interest and started bouncing again. "BOUNCY, BOUNCY!!"

At that moment, a car pulled up. The driver was a dude with bleached hair. he wore a really weird outfit, and the girl next to him wore white, with her hair a bit messy.

"Where you guys going?" the driver asked. 

Seph was about to answer, but Kaz knew Seph would screw it up like the last time, so he pushed Seph away and answered for him.

"Chicago. We have buisness there. Legal buisness." he quickly replied.

The girl smiled. "Tony, aren't we going there?" she asked.

Tony nodded. "Yep. They don't look dangerous, should we let them in, Serena?"

Serena smiled again. "Why not?"

"YAY!!" Dante cheered, and they all got in.

As the group drove along, Serena turned around. "Hi, I'm Serena, he's Tony. What you guys names?"

"Kaz."

"Seph."

"Dante."

".... Weird names, but cool! What are ya doing?"

"Looking for someone. They owe us money. Lots of it." Kaz muttered darkly.

"... Why didn't you call the feds?" 

"Like they cared."

Serena nodded grimly. "Same here with me and Tony. Feds can't be trusted with... our matters.."

"You and me both." Kaz agreed.

"You guys part of a gang?" Tony spoke up.

"Nope. We can't trust no one, hell, we can't even trust ourseleves!" Seph explained.

They all laughed, then drove in silence for awhile. Soon, they pulled up to an gas station. This is where Serena and Kaz's conversation got disturbing.

"I'm just gonna go get some food, anyone wanna come?" Tony asked cheerfully. Dante and Seph jumped out of the car and followed Tony while Kaz and Serena were left alone.

Kaz stared out the window for a very long time. Finally, Serena decided to make a conversation. "Soo.. uh, what are you looking for..?" she asked timidly.

Kaz pointed to a bunch of women smoking near the parking lot. "Are those hookers?" 

".... Yes, I think.."

"Do they carry a lot of money?"

"... depends.."

"Execellent." Kaz smirked and got out. A few minutes later, Kaz came back with some cash and he appeared to be wiping his dagger off.

"....."

"What?" Kaz held up his dagger to the light. "Gasoline." he explained. It did smell and look like gasoline, but Serena wasn't exactly calmed down.

"The hookers kept their money in the car. Just a little diversion and..." he grinned and started counting the cash.

"You stole it?" Serena stared in disbelief.

"Yep." Kaz seemed proud of it too.

"....."

"Well, I just realized that we had no money!!" Kaz muttered. "What the hell are we gonna do, starve?"

".. good point." Serena concluded. And the whole thing ended like that. Soon, the others came back. The drive went smoothly, and finally, they ended up in Chicago, where the Neopets were too..

[changing to Neopet POV]

"OOOOOOHHH!! SHINY!!" ChibiKaz squealed, circling around a sparkling shiny stone he found on the ground. Yunalesca and Meep moved in for a closer look.

"Wow, it's so blue.." Yunalesca exclaimed, poking it with her paw. Meep nodded in agreement.

"I wonder what it does.." Meep wondered and she poked it with her horn too. 

"ChibiKaz, think you can carry it? My pack is full and so is Meeps." Yunalesca asked. ChibiKaz nodded and picked it up with his mouth, when it started to shake. 

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!" he dropped it and bolted behind Meep, who was hiding behind Yunalesca. The blue gem burst in a flash and there stood the most beuatiful creature they ever saw.

The creature stood on all fours. It had white and aquamarine colored skin. A crystal like..er..thingy was set on it's head. From it, beautiful purple hair was flowing out. There was a silver lining around it. It had deep red eyes, and it stared at them. Finally, it spoke in a soft, female voice.

"I am Suicune, the beast of water. You have freed me from my prison, and for that, I thank you."

Suicune shook her head and a crystal flute appeared in front of Yunalesca. She waited for one of the Neopets to take it.

It was a long time. Finally, Yunalesca shakily held out a paw and took the flute. "Um, t-thank you.." Yunalesca murmered. Suicune merely nodded.

"That is my flute. There are 3 of us, we used to wander the earth, but we were trapped in these crystals by the Gods of Fire, Ice, and Thunder. For long, we have dwelled in them, until a young man stole our crystal prisons and scattered them throughout the earth. If you need any help, blow the flute and I shall come." Suicune explained. 

Now, this would be a fanfic in itself (read: sequel), so never mind this and concetrate on the damn flute! And I know, the 3 legendary beasts were sealed in stone in the bottom of the Burned Tower, but it's my fanfic, and I like the screw things up. 

"..OK, erm, Suicune, but I have a question.." Meep stuttered. Suicune looked up.

"Yes?"

"We are the protectors of the **ULTRA RARE SUPER SHINY RAINBOW SHINY THING**, and it is obvious we have failed in our duties to protect it, do you think you can tell us where.." before Meep could finish, Suicune started.

"Eden is hiding in this city, yes, and it's in a coffee place."

The Neopets looked across the street. There was a Starbucks there. Go figure.

"Thank you!" Meep cheerfully replied, and all three bowed. Suicune bowed back. 

"Should you finish your quest, could you summon me? I have a favor I wish to ask of you." Suicune said, making a final request.

"OK!" ChibiKaz agreed, and Suicune bolted off before either could say goodbye.

" Well, let's go!" Yunalesca exclaimed, and they started charging down the street when they saw the light turn red. 

"DAMMIT! FOILED AGAIN!" Yunalesca cursed, then they waited for the light to change. Meanwhile..

Eden was waiting for her hot chocolate. Mmmm.. hot chocolate.. Anyway, the service was taking too long and she was getting impatient. 

The waitress brought her the hot chocolate and she gulped it down a little too fast. At first, Eden didn't feel anything but then..

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! HOT!! OWIE!! AAARRGGGGHHHH!!!!!"


	4. Petpets at Claires?? YAY!

****

CHAPTER FOUR: NO ONE MESSES WITH SEPH'S VANILLA COKE!

[back to Kaz, Dante, and Seph]

"Did you hear something?" Seph asked, as a scream ran through the air. Kaz shrugged.

"Probably someone being raped." He said casually.

Dante looked a little worried. "Kaz, Seph, can we go somewhere else, I don't like this place.." he whimpered.

"Aw, shut up, you'll feel better after we buy some Vanilla Coke!" Kaz replied, grinning. Oh, how they all loved Vanilla Coke! Who doesn't? 

"WHOO-HOO!" Seph cheered, and they all raced down to some convienice store that is owned by a guy from Asia. No offense, but most of the stores I've been to were, owned by a guy who came from some part of Asia. Seph was about to pay for his Vanilla Coke when a shot rang through the air.

"ALRIGHT, THIS IS A HOLD-UP, EVERYONE GET DOWN!!"

A few people screamed, but Seph, Kaz and Dante looked to see whom the crinimal was. He, of course, was wearing a ski mask, and had a semi-automatic pistol.

"HEY, YOU STUPID KIDS, GET DOWN!" He yelled. Then he guy fired a shot, which missed Seph, but got his Vanilla Coke. As the light-brown liquid poured out from the bottle, all Seph could do was watch.

"....You.....ruined..my....Vanilla...Coke..." Seph hissed through gritted teeth. His angry jade eyes set on the crinimal's brown ones, and the guy stepped back in a shock.

Dante just shook his head and hoped the guy had a good life, while Kaz readied a camcorder that he seemd to have gotten from nowhere. He gleefully pointed it towards Seph who was advancing towards the man slowly.

From what Kaz and Dante painfully learned, NO ONE, I repeat, NO ONE messes with Seph's Vanilla Coke. Seph actually tried to sell his soul to the Devil to get a bottle of it when it ran out, until Kaz reminded Seph it was HIS job to make dealings with the Devil.

The crinimal now fired several shots at Seph, but they all missed because the guy was shaking with fear. Seph glared at him before uttering these words:

"Never, EVER, mess with my Vanilla Coke.."

Then he drew his sword.

Now, the scene was a bit tool violent for me to say. If you really wanna know, this is Dante's non-violent verison of it (wuss):

"Seph, he took his pointy, shiny sword, and he hit the man with it, and tomato juice spilled out of him!! It was scary! And then, Seph just cut off the man's arm, and more tomato juice spilled out! I was really scared, then Seph removed the ground beef from the poor guys head and he squashed it! Oh, the humanity!!"

OK, now, for you more violent readers out there (Whoo!), here is Kaz's account of it:

"DUDE! IT WAS FREAKING AWSOME! Seph, he drove his sword right into that dumbasses stomach, and all this blood, was like, gushing out! Then Seph yelled at him, saying: 'YOU HAD ENOUGH OF THIS MOTHERF*CKING SHIT?? HAVE YA??' and Seph cut off all of his arms, it was soo sweet, then this is the cool part, he actually sliced open the guys face, and took out his brains, then STAMPED ON IT!! Look, I got the fottage right here!! MAAAAAANNNN..."

Ok, there is no difference, except Kaz used more gory terms and swore a bit. But still, fact was, Seph was drenched in blood and he still didn't have his Vanilla Coke.

Seph casually grabbed three bottles of Vanilla Coke and geustered to Kaz and Dante to get out of the store. While they walked on, Dante was whimpering and now had a deathgrip on Kaz's arm.

"Dante, please, why must you always.. touch me??" Kaz groaned in disgust as he pushed Dante off. Dante stared at him with those big puppy eyes.

"Seph scares me, Kaz!! And I forgot to bring Mr. Poofy!" Dante whimpered. Kaz rolled his eyes. Of course. Dante's stupid Disco Aisha he bought a Limited Too. Whenever Dante coldn't cuddle it, Kaz was the next best thing, thought the reasons are unknown (Kaz's leather coat isn't soft and cotteny, ya know).

"Well, can't you just go down the hell and get him?" Seph suggested. Dante stopped, and pondered this for a moment.

"Yes... YES!! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF IT BEFORE! MR. POOFY, HERE I COME!" Dante cheered, and he dove down to the depths fo Hell, while the other two waited. Finally, Dante emerged with his prized Disco Aisha plushie. He huggles it, and they walked in silence for awhile.

"AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

Dante stopped at a Claire's store and stared at the window. It was his dream.. they were stocking.. PETPET MERCHINDISE!!

"LOOK!! KAZ!! SEPH!! PETPET PLUSHIES!! AND STICKERS! AND NOTEBOOKS!" Dante squealed, pointing to the various Petpet merchindise. Kaz rolled his eyes.

"Dante," Seph firmily stated. "We are NOT gonna buy Petpet stuff now, we have to find Eden and get the-" before Seph could finish, Dante bolted into the store, forcing Kaz and Seph to wait outside.

"Damnit! That Neopets crap so addicting, the damned author put HER Neopets in the story!" Kaz complained bitterly. Seph nodded in agreement and watched the cars go by while sipping his Vanilla Coke. Time went by, and Dante rushed out of the store with a Noil plushie, a Angelpuss sticker pack, and a Doglefox Notepad. 

".... Dante, it took you 3 HOURS to get those measely three items??" Seph said in amazement. Dante nodded and held the items as if he was holding the Nobel Peace Prize. 

"I had to use all my psychic powers to find the Rare item codes to get all the rare, cool stuff!" Dante happily reported, while Kaz snorted in disgust. 

"That's great, can we go now?" He asked. Dante nodded sadly and once again the crew set off to find Eden..

After meeting up with the Neopets again.

Kaz was the first to notice his Neopet-self. He saw the Neopets on the other side of the street.

"HEY!!" Kaz hollered to them, and he waved. The Neopets saw him and waved back, then waited for the other 3 to come over. When they did, Meep eyed Dante's petpet stuff.

:"Well, you didn't waste any time getting those.." Meep commented. Dante was very happy with his stuff, and showed Meep it while Seph conversed with Yunalesca. Kaz was too busy telling ChibiKaz about the Vanilla Coke incident.

"So.. have you guys seen Eden?" Seph asked, while Yunalesca dug her paw into her bag.

"Yeah, but that damned traffic light turned red on us. We have a new ally though!" Yunalesca grinned and showed Seph the Sui flute, the flute that Suicune gave them. Seph admired the sparkling flute.

"Cool.. what does it do?" he asked.

"Blow it, and Suicune will come, but not now.." Yunalesca explained, grabbing the flute and stuffing it back in her bag. She turned back to Seph. "We should work together now. I'll let you guys use the **Ultra Rare Super Shiny Rainbow Shiny Thing** for one non-evil wish if you do.." Yunalesca offered. Seph nodded.

"Sure. We can do that, as long as it's Kaz who doesn't make the wish." Seph told her. They agreed to search the West side of Chicago, the Neopets shall search the East. 

Now that out two groups have joined forces, let's take a look on how Eden is doing!


	5. The Cloud Aishas come to Limited Too!

****

CHAPTER FIVE: EDEN 'S DAY OUT (hey, even evil people need a break)

Well, for those of you who have played FF8, you'll wonder how such a big-assed GF like Eden can just wander around Chicago without getting any attention. Well, Eden is a shapeshifter too, cuz I said so, and since he is actually a she, she wanders around looking like Yuna. Except her hair is short. And she looks more American. ANYWHOO..

Eden was coming out of a movie theater, looking visibly tramautized. You see, Eden had just watched Minority Report or whatever you call it (or spell it) and she was scared out of her wits. 

"Excuse me miss, er-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

Eden grabbed hold of the man's arm and flipped him over. The man landed on the ground with a CRUNCH! Eden started beating the crap outta him too!

"YOU'LL NEVER GET ME! NEEEEVVVVVEEERRR!!" she screeched, while she pounded his head into the sidewalk. The guy had passed out and probably died by the time Eden realized what she was doing. People were staring too.

"Uhhh.. um... just watched Minority Report.." Eden stammered. People started nodding and shot sympathetic looks at her. 

She quickly scurried out there and let the poor guy, who wanted to ask her where the snack booth is, bleed to death. Poor guy, people just thought it was ketchup.

From inside her jacket, the **ULTRA RARE SUPER SHINY RAINBOW SHINY THING** was glowing. Eden's eyes sparkled as she exmained it. 

"OOOOOOOOHHHH... shiny..." Eden drooled. Then, a figure caught her eye. 

"SSSSSSSSQQQQQQQQQQQQUUUUUUUUAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!"

Squall quickly turned around to see Eden charging at him, ready to give the infamous: **_FLYING HUGGLE TACKLE OF DEATH!!_**

OK, it doesn't really kill you, but work with me here!

Squall attempted to jump out of the way, but no one can avoid a **_FLYING HUGGLE TACKLE OF DEATH!! _**Eden got him, and it resulted in a mass explosion!

****

BOOM!

AHEM... anyway...

"OH SQUALLY!! IMISSEDYOUIMISSEDYOU!!" Eden cried, huggling Squall and cutting off his air supply. Squall was sturggling, but to no avail.

"AAAHHHHH!! NEED....A..I...R..."

  
"Oh! Sowwie!" Eden aploligized and let go, letting Squall fall back on the ground. He gratefully sucked in all the air he could. 

"*huff* EDEN!!.. *heave* DON'T...DO...*gack!* THAT!...*wark!*" he gasped, fighting the urge to slice her head in half with his gunblade.

"...Wark?" Eden replied, eyebrow rising. Squall got up and brushed himself off. Eden was thinking about what she was supposed to tell him, but she forgot, because the scaryness of the bacon was getting to her. The only way to defeat the bacon was to summon the mighty McDonalds Mighty Kids meal to combat Lavos and free Schala using the melody of the Seven Belches, which is located in the..

"SQUALL! I SAW MINORITY REPORT AND IT WAS....huh?" Eden looked around, confused. For while she was thinking about saving the Pepsi Fighters from mass destruction, Squall had run off.

"He likes me!" She squealed, twirling around and cheering. But Eden had more important stuff to think about.. like making it to Limited Too before the Cloud Aishas were sold out..

[back to Kaz, Seph and Dante]

Dante stared tearfully at the sign that was hanging over the Neopet cart:

CLOUD AISHAS SOLD OUT

"Dante, why are you so sad, Kaz got one!" Seph muttered, trying to pry Dante away from the sign. Kaz was near the entrance looking at the new Cloud Aisha he bought just to annoy the hell out of Dante.

"But Kaz won't give it to me!" Dante wailed. "He'll just sell it on eBay!"

"DAMN RIGHT I WILL!" Kaz cackled. But then he stared at the Aisha again. "...awwww, it's so cute.." he thought.

Seph's mouth dropped. He couldn't belive what Kaz just said! Kaz hated Neopets, how could he think Cloud Aishas were CUTE?? This from the kid that thinks burning squirrels on barbecues should be the national pastime!

"Well, it is.." Kaz said, tossing the Aisha in the air. "Besides, you have Mr.Poofy, Dante, so I'll keep this guy!" he laughed. Dante watched the Aisha jump up in the air, and land back into Kaz's hand tearfully.

"C'mon, let's go, Dante's gonna cry.." Seph complained. He pulled both Kaz and Dante out of the store and smacked right into... Eden.

"YOU!" They both cried out at once. Eden looked at the Cloud Aisha in Kaz's possesion.

"THE CLOUD AISHA!" Eden screeched, pointing at it. Kaz snickered evily.

"Sorry, this was the last one. They still have rare item codes.." he responded. Eden jumped and raced to the Limited Too, refusing to believe that this was true! But alas, when she entered the Limited Too.....

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

Upon hearing Eden's anguished cry, Kaz laughed some more. Oh how he loved to make people cry. He loved seeing people break apart and weep, muttering about how worthless they are. The Cloud Aisha helped.

"Yep, I'm keeping this thing. MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" He cackled once more. Seph rolled his eyes.

"...They got Kaz." 

Note: Yes, there will be Cloud Aishas in Limited Too on the 27th of July, 2002. There will be around 10 of these plushies available in each Limited Too location, so you may want to sleep outside of your local Limited Too. There are also 25 Rare Item code cards you can get. First come first serve. Just thought you might wanna know ^_^()


	6. Kaz's sanity goes to Disneyland!

****

CHAPTER SIX: HOW ABOUT A TRADE?

Dante suddenly turned around. "Guys! She has the **ULTRA RARE SUPER SHINY RAINBOW SHINY THING**, remember?" he said, speaking rather fast. The other thought, and then remembered that she did have it. All three rushed to Limited Too, where they saw Eden crying on the floor.

"Gone..all gone.." she sobbed.

Seph poked her to get her attention. "Hey, since you're in a nervous wreck now, can we have the **ULTRA RARE SUPER SHINY RAINBOW SHINY THING **now?" he asked.

Eden glared at them, then saw the Cloud Aisha, which Kaz was still holding. Her mind formulated a plan to get what she really wanted.. the Aisha.. she grinned evily and got up, taking out the **ULTRA RARE SUPER SHINY RAINBOW SHINY THING **from her pocket.

"Fine. If we trade. This...," she held up the gem, "...for your Cloud Aisha!"

Kaz was stunned, then looked at the Aisha. He had grown attached to it during thier short 15 minutes together, but what the heck, he could wish for one. He nodded.

"After you give us the **ULTRA RARE SUPER SHINY RAINBOW SHINY THING!**" He stated firmly. Eden cursed, then handed over the jewel. Kaz took it..

Then, as if planned, all three bolted. "SUCKER!!"

Eden stood there, smiling. It was all part of the plan. Soon, she would have ha;f of the world, Squall, and a Cloud Aisha all to herself!

The three, however, were pleased with themselves. Now they can get all the Krispy Kreme Doughnuts they wish! Kaz was examining the jewel when Dante tugged on his sleeve. 

"Kaz, can I have a look at it?" Dante whined. Kaz held the jewel in front of Dante's face. 

"There, see? You're looking at it!" he joked, when Dante snatched it out of his hand. Kaz was a bit stunned, then chased after Dante. "H-hey! Give it back!" he cried, getting very annoyed. 

Dante, however, just laughed insanely, then stopped, floating in mid-air, smirking at Kaz.

"You're gonna regret being so mean to me, Kaz!" He laughed. Kaz was very confused, Dante was never this mean... except.. unless...he and Eden..

"YOU BASTARD! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, YOU'LL-" Kaz's threat was cut off by a loud blast that could be heard. The explosion sent him falling on his knees. As Kaz looked up, Eden had joined Dante in the floating, and both were glaring down on him.

__

Dammit! And he was so freaking innocent too!, Kaz thought angrily. Oh, how he wished he just listened to his evil side for ONCE in his life and kill Dante all the way back in chapter 2! His hands clenched up into fists.

Eden snatched the **ULTRA RARE SUPER SHINY RAINBOW SHINY THING **from Dante's hand and held it up. 

"C'mon, Dante, when can we make our wishes?/" she complained.

"Soon, when you shut up and we get out of here!" Dante retorted. Unaware to them, as they were bickering, Kaz was preparing a very nice present for them. His evil side had been begging him to do it all these years, and now, finally, Kaz could cast it without regrets.

Seph and arrived just in time to see the events unfold. However, Seph thought that Eden had Dante as her hostage and Kaz thought that casting Ultima was the answer. 

Before the deadly spell could be unleashed, Seph tackled Kaz and the Ultima spell blasted into the sky. But as we know, what goes up must come down..

Meanwhile, somewhere in Virginia..

Steve Case was drunk again. His stupid company has been rid of that IDIOT CEO and he was free again to dominate the Internet, soon the world! 

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!" He laughed drunkly, the took another swig of his beer. Then he saw the Ultima spiraling down and he pointed at it. 

"SHINY!"

And those were Steve Case's last words before all went to hell and AOL blew up, Which resulted to a national holiday. President Bush also is set on finding the guy that did it and give him the Medal of Honor.

Ahem, anyway, while I wish these events were true in real life, they are not. But they will be. They will...

ANYWAYYYYY....

Dante and Eden took this time to escape, leaving a very enraged mage and poor Seph. 

"Do..you..have..any..idea..what...you..have..done?" Kaz hissed. _Screw this, I'm killing Seph too.._

"I-I was trying to save you from killing Dante!! Ya could've hurt him! Killed him!" Seph blurted out, a bit angry at his friend's misjudgement. Kaz shook his head slowly, a murderous look in his eyes.

"Dante was the one that betrayed us. He and Eden were working together.. It's the truth." Kaz told him, bluntly. 

Seph had a bit of a hard time believing this. Kaz did tend to lie a lot, especially when he tried to explain why he was trying to kill someone. But Dante did not look scared when he was with Eden.. in fact..he was grinning!

"Wha... Dante..evil...??" Seph was at a loss for words. And Dante was so nice! "I-I don't understand.." he muttered.

Kaz had just about lost it. Whatever sanity was left in him decided to take a one-way trip to Florida to visit Disneyland. He started cackling insanely.

"Yeah, ain't that great.. ehehehehe.. the little bastard doublecrosses us.. Oh why the hell did I come here... mwahahahahahahaaa... " He was muttering to himself.

Seph just stood there, shocked. For awhile, they just stood there, out in the street, with people staring. Finally, Seph had a plan, and he shook Kaz.

"What?" Kaz snapped at the lamp post next to him. Seph could see that Kaz's sanity was still in Disneyland, so he'd have to guide the deranged mage to wherever Yunalesca and the others were. Or he could just leave him alone... but who knows what kind of trouble Kaz would get himself into. Seph decided he lived a long, happy life and shook Kaz some more.

"Kaz? Kaaaaz... KAZ! WAKE UP!" Seph shrieked, and Kaz's eyes snapped open.

"WHAT?" He bellowed back, this time in Seph's direction.

"Are you OK?"

"... no, I've got homicidal thoughts running through my head, I've been stabbed in the back by a 'friend' and I'm hungry! DAMMIT! DO I LOOK FINE TO YOU?"

"Yeah, let's find the Neopets, maybe they can help us.."

Kaz rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah sure, depend on the little furry creatures!" he sarcasticly commented, but followed Seph anyway as they made their way around the city, resisting the urge to kill Seph with a well placed Flare.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, that wasn't very nice. Were any of you expecting that? I sure as heck wasn't.. what am I talking about?? I WROTE THE STUPID STORY!! Oh well, I wish I could get more reviews just to see if anyone but one person has read the story but I'm still gonna write it, reviews or not. I don't make any sense... *goes off to eat more Krispy Kremes*


	7. I am NOT Janus!

****

CHAPTER SEVEN: AWWW, LOOK AT THE CUTE LITTLE KIWWY...

Dante and Eden were laughing hard. This has got to be the best moment they ever did! 

"I..can't...believe..they..fell..for..that.." Eden choked, still rolling in the floor. Dante nodded, still standing, but in need of air.

"Man, I can't wait to see the looks on their faces!" he cracked up, and they laughed somemore. Why, you ask? Well, it's pretty obvious, but for now, Kaz and Seph shall search the city!

"Man.." Kaz groaned, gulping down his Vanilla Coke, "I cannot think of a shittier day!"

"What about the time everyone thought you were a Zealian because Seymour's hair dye was 'accidently' mixed into yer regular hair dye." Seph suggested. Kaz depised that moment not because everyone thought he was some mage from 12,000 B.C, but because they shortly found out he naturally was a red head.

"Oh, and I wonder how it 'accidently' got in there.." Kaz mused, now resisting the urge to dismember Seph and have some kid eat his brain. Mwahahahahahaaa, oh how Kaz loved those evil thoughts..

Seph moved a little farther away. "It wasn't me!" He protested, even though it was.

Just then, a cute little kitten crossed their path. It was a beigish-white (really creative, huh?) tabby, and it mewed and laid down on it's belly. Kaz thought it was cute and attempted to pet it, however, Seph let out a low hiss and jumped on Kaz's back.

"SAVE ME, KAZ!!" he screamed, trying to find refuge on Kaz's head. Unable to carry the extra weight, Kaz fell over, and Seph tumbled onto the sidewalk. As Kaz struggled to get up, Seph repeated the process, destroying the 0.2% of sanity that Kaz still retained.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Kaz ripped Seph off his head and threw him down on the sidewalk with so much force that Seph popped out on the other side of Earth.

While watching this humorous scene, the kitten reamined unflinching, just staring at the EXTREMELY ANGRY mage and the EXTREMELY TRAUMATIZED general. Finally, Kaz got up and huggled the kitten. Kaz had a certian love for cats.

"Are you a stray? Hm?" Kaz cooed to the cat, who was trying to play with Kaz's Dragoon Spirit. When Kaz tried to show Seph the kitten, the latter backed away in fear.

"Seph, you coward, it's a little tabby kitten!" Kaz gently scolded, then cuddled the cat somemore, stroking it's head. The cat purred with the force of a tank and Seph was all the more scared.

"Kaz.. I didn't really..have the best..experience with cats.." Seph stammered, while Kaz was slowly advancing, a smirk on his face while the kitten was purring. _Hey, if I can't kill him painfully, I can at least torture him. It's more fun this way!_

Seph's horrible memory begins when he was 7. His mother, JENOVA, had a big party for him. One of the gifts he recieved was a stray someone picked up off the street.

"KITTY!" Seph squealed, huggling it. That is..before..

MEEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWRRRRRRRR!!!!

The kitten hissed and scratched and but Seph's hands. While Seph cried in pain, the kitten started assaulting his head. Of course, being stupid, everyone thought that the kitten was just bonding with Seph, until they saw that the kitten's mouth was foaming.

Needless to say, the cat was killed after being tested positive for rabies and Seph recieved many painful shots, From that day on, he cursed cats and hated them with a passion. 

"Well, I wonder who would be mean enough to do that?" Kaz wondered in mock pity.

"You, remember?"

"... Oh yeah! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" Kaz cackled, and went back to petting the kitty, who was purring contently in his arms.

Just then, a beam shot down from the clouds, and there stood, in front of Kaz:

****

ME, THE MYSTICAL AUTHOR OF ALL THINGS SHORT AND CRAPPY!

OK, this fanfic ain't short, but it's crappy. Huzz-zah!

"YOU!" I boomed, pointing me **GREATER STAFF OF PANCAKES** at Kaz. "Thank you for finding me kitty!" I chirped.

Quickly I scooped the kitten in my arms and petted it. "I missed you, Auron, where have you been?" I cooed.

"Auron..?" Kaz responded, confused. "The cat's name is Auron?"

"YES! NAMED AFTER THE LEGENDARY GUARDIAN! MWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" And with that, I disappeared. Oh, if you want to know, I DO have a cat named Auron and he ish sleeping on the chair next to me as I type this. He ish soooo cute! ^_^

OK.... anyway...

Seph got up, and after making sure the cat was gone, whimpered and set back on the streets. Kaz was still laughing about his 'present' to Seph those many years ago. 

"You are a Zealian, aren't you?" Seph codly asked him. Kaz was a bit surprised.

"My hair isn't blue, is it?" he replied. 

"But you can use magic.. and I KNOW you don't have a GF.. or materia.."

"Lulu and Vivi can use magic and they don't need GFs or Materia! Can't you just accept I'm a Black Mage!" Kaz snapped, wanting to end the conversation.

Seph stopped in front of Kaz, his eyes narrowed. 

"And you like cats. Prince Janus of Zeal liked cats too.."

"Oh, so what are you implying, I'm Janus? And for the record, his name is Magus!"

"You must be the incarnation of Janus! I'm sure of it.. what was the first name that ran through your mind when you picked up the cat??"

Kaz thought a bit. "Well, the kitten looked like a girl, so I thought Schala would be.."

"SEE???" Seph shrieked. "SCHALA!! JANUS'S SISTER! YOU ARE THE REINCARNATION OF JANUS!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" Seph laughed in triumph. Kaz grabbed him and finished his sentence.

"... happy that I gave her a new kitten, dumbass.." he growled. "And the first name that ran through my mind was Jun, OK??"

Seph blinked. He slowly realized that Kaz was right, and backed away slowly once Kaz released his grip. Suddenly, a pair of hands shot up and covered Seph's eyes. Same for Kaz.

"Guess whooo?" two voices sang at once.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OOOOOHH!! SUSPENSE!! CLIFF HANGER!! OTHER CRAP LIKE THAT!!

Kaz: Aw, shut up and tell us who they are already!

Schala: Naw, that would get rid of the suspense, Janus!

Ja-..er, Kaz: I AM NOT JANUS! OR MAGUS!

Magus: Schala, you idiot, I'm here!

Schala: AHHHHHHH!! INTRUDER! *runs away*

Kaz: *death glares the author* I will have your head for this.. 


End file.
